When You Notice a Repeating Pattern, You’re Already Inside It

By the time you realise you’re doing it again, part of you is already DEEP IN IT

The momentum starts before awareness catches up.

Most People Think The Repeating Pattern Starts The Moment They Notice It

You were on the way to a totally different destination...but then the easy train rumbled by. Could be any day of the week. Any time. You’re minding your own business, getting on with your best life.

Out of nowhere something stirs. A pull or a tug, a distant sensation low in the body. Before you’ve properly realised what’s happening, part of you is already leaning towards it.

And it’s willing you to follow.

You know it’s not going to take you where you meant to go… but you lean into it anyway.

It's not good, exactly. But safe. Familiar. Cushioned.

Also, there’s no time to stand back now. In a split second you’re already slipping. The giving in is ever so easy, a mere moment of hesitation or wavering, of taking your eyes of the goal you wanted to get to and you’re being hoovered into it.

To the observer it would look like you’re making an active choice here, mounting the train’s step, swinging yourself inside the carriage. But what makes this look so dynamic from the outside is some invisible momentum already pulling you with it.

Even though one isn’t fully conscious when one boards. They half-know, half-don’t. The more you give in to it, the warmer it gets. Let it wash all over your body.

So what looks to the bystander like striving and pushing to get on board feels almost inevitable for you. You couldn’t not board the train.

So you’re letting yourself slump into it. Lobbing your weary body onto the train’s ramp. The train’s movement energises you and you trundle into the carriage. Eyes half closed, blinking down the long aisle.

Now gravity pushes you into your usual seat. Hang on. Usual seat, what?

It seems like you’ve been here before. There’s a faint recognition flickering somewhere. The actions, sensations, sounds, what you see, what happens next, you’re actually right at home here.

As the train gathers speed you look down the aisle and realise something is emerging from its depth. The ticket inspector is winking at you “Hello my friend.”

What, me? You turn to look over your shoulder… Oh. It’s me.

You produce your ticket and hear the sound of the machine stamping it into place. Click click another imprint. Another groove made deeper.

Okay.

You really are on this train now.

The motion jolts you left, right, accelerating, pushing you further into your seat. Looking out of the window you  let yourself drift through this experience.

Places, landmarks, stopping points you know them hurtling through familiar terrain. You could list all the stations on this route, in order. The train’s destination is a place you know very well.

Yes. You have been here before.

You’re now on the track you thought you didn’t want to be on again.

The Momentum Takes Over

Better get off now. When’s the next stop? You could jump off before it’s too late.

As soon as it occurs that thought gets whipped away by the speed of the train. The force of the movement already underway. Every doubt or protest gets erased by the motion.

Something clicked into action and now velocity is seeing it through to the end. You're not resisting these forces now. Instead, you’re sinking deeper into your seat, might as well.

The experience envelops you “Anything to make your journey more comfortable.” The buffet trolley passes. You’re now holding a hot beverage.

I could get used to this.

Lulling you back into your routine of looking out of the window past all these familiar stations.

The Promise That Tomorrow Will Be Different

But the hairline crack is not going away. You know this isn’t the right direction for you but you crack on. This isn’t at all where you originally planned to go today!

This hits you in the stomach. Lightly, but it still hits.

Make it go away.

So there you go, with this sobering thought another feeling starts arriving. And it transforms the tiny pang into something beautiful.

The Promise.

Tomorrow will be different.

Tomorrow you’re going to take the actual route you planned to take.

Tomorrow you won’t go near the tracks again.

And as usual, that promise lifts your mood immediately.

You smile to yourself, and down the carriage. The beauty of this trip is that it gives you hope and trust in yourself.

Hold on to this elation.

The nearer you get to the destination the clearer it becomes that the train journey was a mistake.

But still the train keeps moving. The world flies by.

By the Time You Catch Yourself, The Repeating Pattern is Already Underway

There’s something people misunderstand. They think their repeating pattern starts the moment they catch themselves doing it.

But by then, the train has usually been moving for a while already. Something in you leaned towards it first. The body chose the route before the mind fully caught up.

So by the time you think: “Why am I doing this again?” part of you is already several stations in.

Arriving at the Wrong Destination

Eventually the train jolts to a stop at the terminal.

The train was warm while it was moving. But now you’re stranded under those lights again, back where this route always ends. And by the way, it’s the wrong destination.

It’s all a bit empty.

But you come round and start gathering your pep talk about why next time will be different.

Join us. We start Monday.