Why Insight Doesn’t Change Behaviour

insight FEELS LIKE A BREAKTHROUGH

The system still runs underneath.

insight Alone Doesn't stop the pattern

There’s something you do again and again that you wish you didn’t. You’re not alone in this. You know you're doing something that's not beneficial for you in some way. For most people, the story ends here.

But some reach a point where they decide that they don’t want to repeat this behaviour or pattern any longer.

And when they’ve arrived at that place it means that something in them has shifted. They’ve reached a moment where they decide that this is enough and should stop.

So they try to stop.

Some people can and then that’s it.

The End.

Why Insight doesn't change behaviour

But for most, the pattern keeps happening. They realise that whatever plan they hatch, however hard they try to just not do the thing, they can’t stop.

This is often when they seek out the work. To understand why they keep doing the thing despite trying very hard not to.

Facing the work takes courage. And so does getting to the why. Many never allow themselves to go all the way to understanding their pattern.

But you have.

You throw your all at the situation: You talk. You analyse and dissect your pattern until you really get it. This can go on for years.

And you manage it. This helps A Lot to keep the pattern at bay.

You do yoga, detox. You stack micro habits into routines. You wake up at the crack of dawn, morning page, meditate, surrender. You go on long walks, you affirm, express, you breathe better, you feel it in your body. You allow the feeling.

These are all effective methods of quietening the thing and they give you a lot of wisdom, calm and peace.

But the thing? It doesn't go away.

Even though you regulate your system. Even though you have an idea why you do the thing. You still can’t make it go away. There’s this situation, things happening in a specific way that trigger this reaction in you. Without fail.

This trigger is your cue to do the thing. Afterwards, you’re angry with yourself. You fell for it again. And you reacted in a way you wish you wouldn't.

So now you know why you do this you can now stop reacting in this way. Right.

Shouldn’t shining a light on the pattern dissolve it?

Knowing the pattern hasn’t changed what happens.

Often, it doesn't work that way. The pattern has been programmed a long time ago

Shouldn’t all the regulating practices in the world keep it in check? Yes they do but only as long as you regulate. Which requires a lot of upkeep. And you’re exhausted.

This Is Where Hopelessness Sets In

Understanding hasn’t brought you the resolution you were seeking. Instead, the thing sits squarely in your mind. This is why insight doesn’t change behaviour, even when your understanding is accurate and your self-awareness high.

Awareness Happens IN A DIFFERENT PART OF THE braiN TO Where the Pattern sits

Before effort, analysis, or trying to change anything, there is always a moment where the pattern first becomes visible. This moment is recognising.

But understanding the pattern happens in a different part of the brain to where the pattern was learned.

You Can See THE PATTERN and Still Be Inside It

You can see the mechanism clearly and but it sits so deep that you can’t touch it. So you’re still inside the pattern.

When a trigger arrives, you activate your pattern. Whatever that means for you:

You chase. You attack. You disappear.

You avoid. You freeze. You people-please.

You try not to be rejected.

You try to be approved of.

You fill the void.

And it never quite fills.

You may know the frameworks. Your attachment style. The childhood piece. The reason it all makes sense.

You might even notice the exact moment you’re about to do it. And then you give in.

Even though you have all this understanding. But the pull is stronger than the understanding.

The pull is stronger than the understanding.

It doesn’t pass.

It completes itself through the familiar route:

You withdraw, procrastinate, ghost.

You numb out, scroll, sleep.

Or you overcompensate.

Overwork, over-give, over-explain.

You fawn. You chase validation. You try to control. You defend. You prove.

Whatever your pattern is, for a moment it wins.

Then you come back to yourself.

You feel bad.

You wonder why you’re still like this.

And then life continues. Until the next time.

How long can you stay away from the thing you do.

If your answer is “months” you’re probably containing it just enough to not suffer and you probably wouldn’t be reading this.

What if it escalates? If it reappears after weeks? That’s a different story. Or it comes back after days, or you’re back to it the next morning?

Insight Isn’t the Same as Ending

Knowing the pattern hasn't changed what happens.