Why Does This Keep Happening to Me?

Recognising

Recognising The Same Thing Keeps Happening

You notice something. It’s subtle at first, and it's familiar. You may not call it a loop, but you’re aware that something keeps repeating.

You notice without feeling the need to do anything about it. A brief moment catching your attention.

Something you’re doing. Or something you keep not doing. Whichever it is, this repeating pattern keeps coming up. And you're asking yourself why this keeps happening.

Not in a dramatic, ruining-your-life kinda way. But you know that it isn’t doing you any favours. Dealing with this has been on your list for a long time.

It’s in your calendar, on your phone, because you’ve scheduled it before. The same entry again. Checking it off makes it go away but it pops back the next day.

You wrote it down in your notebook and you can sense it when you look back at photos of yourself. It stands out when you review what matters and then tell yourself you’ll come back to it later.

You’ve meant to get to it. You’ve gone to bed telling yourself, tomorrow. You'll get to it once you’ve finished something else first.

Sometimes you follow through on everything else. And sometimes you achieve impressive things.

And still, that one thing to (not) do remains. Solidly.

Most of the time, you don’t think about it at all. You’re excellent at tuning it out.

But it doesn’t disappear. It retreats. It waits. Then it’s there again.

Whatever this is…the thought, the action, the feeling attached to it, the avoiding…it isn’t resolving.

Something’s looping.